RAYMOND AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY
Raymond stared at the desk in front of him, praying the day would just end already. The dreaded “Time Out” at First Flight High was not something he would wish on anyone. Well, except maybe Skylar. In fact, he would wish her boils, the plague…or worse, a really terrible acne breakout.
Finally, the last bell rang, and Raymond sighed and prepared himself for his meeting with the principal. His heart sank as he entered the office and caught sight of the only thing that could make this day worse. Androcles, Renata, Juan, and Ophelia all turned slowly to stare at him. Renata pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes dramatically.
Principal Bardsley stood up from behind her giant desk and looked at him sternly. Raymond flinched. This was not going to be pleasant. “Ah yes, Raymond, thank you for joining us. I was just informing your…new guardians here about your unfortunate incident today with Miss Holloway.” The Principal turned back to the vampires. “Mr…Androcles… as I was saying, I feel it would be best to move young Raymond into a different class for that period to avoid further issues.”
“Wait, what?” Raymond interrupted. “But Skylar totally started it! She attacked me! How come I have to go to a different class?”
Principal Bardsley gave him a long look. “I do not care to hear who started what. Here at First Flight High we have no tolerance for bullying of any kind. It is for your own good and we are simply helping you learn to communicate respectfully when you have a disagreement with someone.”
Raymond took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. “But she was the one bullying me! How come she doesn’t need to learn your stupid lesson?”
“As principal of this school, it is for me to decide what is best for my students.” Principal Bardsley sat back down and began tapping the pencil in her hand against the desk irritably.
At the sight of the newly sharpened pencil, Juan tensed and glanced at the door, looking as though he might make a break for it any minute.
Androcles gave Raymond a stern look, and Raymond had a feeling that arguing with any of them was not going to get him anywhere. Androcles looked back at the principal. “It is not uncommon for the brightest minds to need more stimulation to keep them from becoming distracted. What other class did you have in mind? Philosophy, perhaps?”
Principal Bardsley gave him a strange look. “I’m afraid we do not teach philosophy here. I was thinking more along the lines of wood shop.”
Juan’s eyes went wide and he glanced at Ophelia. “Did she just say wood shop?”
But Ophelia was not paying attention to him. “What a good idea,” she jumped in before Androcles could go on the inevitable tirade about the importance of philosophy and the shaping of young minds that he was clearly preparing for. Raymond hadn’t known him very long, but if Androcles’ horribly boring monologue convincing Raymond’s parents to send their oldest child to some ridiculous facade of a teen program had been any indication…
“It is very important for young ones to learn to work with their hands,” Ophelia continued smoothly.
Renata reached over and grasped Androcles’ arm and appeared worried. “I do agree…but, don’t you think that might be a bit too…dangerous?”
Juan nodded frantically. “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying!” Principal Bardsley gave him a puzzled look, obviously unclear as to what the issue was with the class.
Androcles waved him off dismissively and brushed off Renata’s hand, “Oh, nonsense. The sooner he learns to cope with such things the better it will be for him.”
Raymond looked back and forth from the still-confused principal to Androcles. Wasn’t anybody going to ask him what he thought about it? But that was the thing with adults, they always made all the important decisions without bothering to ask how anyone else felt. He wondered if he should be as worried as Juan and Renata were about wood shop. But then, how would it look if he said he was too scared to go? Not for the first time in his life, he wondered what Captain Mal would do in this situation. It was hard, because he was pretty sure that splinters had never been a life or death issue for Captain Mal. Then again, Captain Mal did not fear any kind of life or death situations. He didn’t ever do what the authorities told him to do either, though…Raymond was torn.
Suddenly, everyone was standing up and shuffling around, and he realized that while he had been pondering the pros and cons of wood shop and what his idol would do in his position, everyone had made the decision for him. Apparently, Juan and Renata had lost the argument.
As of second period tomorrow, he would be officially enrolled in wood shop.
Raymond eyed the saw blade on the table in front of him nervously. Sure, he had been shot full of holes by Juan just a few days ago and hadn’t died–because, apparently he was already dead–but still. What if he cut his hand off? Then how the hell would he play World of Warcraft? Come to think of it, what would happen if he did cut off a finger or some other appendage? Would it just grow back? Would it reattach itself somehow? It wasn’t exactly something that had ever been addressed in Buffy…
“Mr. Robinson! I don’t believe your project will finish itself.”
Raymond jumped a little and looked up at the teacher. “Sorry.”
The remainder of class went by quickly enough, and Raymond actually found himself enjoying it. He was just shaving off the last rough section on his pine, sonic screwdriver–feeling that even The Doctor would be proud of his creation–when it happened. He wasn’t even sure just how it happened, but somehow his fantastic project got caught, and then went springing back at him. It all seemed to be going in slow motion as the still-pointy end flew through the air, straight at his chest.
This was it. He was going to die for real this time. It was going to be like the Wash tragedy all over again.
Miraculously, he managed to jump back just in time for it to miss hitting him. He crashed into the table behind him, somehow also managing not to get staked by anything there. When everything finally stopped clattering on the floor and he finally stopped screaming, Raymond looked tentatively down at his chest and let out a sigh of relief. But the relief was short-lived as everyone in the classroom broke out in laughter…those who weren’t still gaping at him in astonishment anyway.
Raymond straightened his shirt with as much dignity as he could muster, and quietly righted his chair and sat back down, waiting impatiently for the bell to ring. He gave the traitorous wooden screwdriver a long glare, debating whether or not to touch it again. When he finally hurried from the classroom, it was still on the floor.
Math and Science class were somewhat of a blur, though they did give him a little time to calm down from the whole near-death experience in wood shop. It occurred to Raymond that before becoming an invincible super-powered creature, he’d never really had any near-death experiences. Maybe Juan had good reason for being so paranoid after all.
PE was next, and that class had never been kind to him. As it turned out, it didn’t look like today was going to be any different since, apparently, he and Skylar had it at the same time. How hadn’t he noticed that before? Why didn’t anyone notice that after yesterday’s incident?
Well, it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. The way his luck had been going, he would end up in archery class if they had another altercation. And if that were to happen, he might as well just move to Australia.
He nodded stiffly and shot her what he hoped was a decent attempt at a smile as they passed each other on their way to the locker rooms. He thought about trying to say a friendly-ish hello, but knew all too well from past experience that he didn’t have the best control over what came out of his mouth. She shot him a narrow-eyed smile in return, and gave her hair an obnoxiously self-absorbed little flip as she walked past. Raymond just clamped his mouth shut harder. Hopefully that would be the only contact they would have for the rest of the class period.
…Except it was dodgeball day. Of course.
As usual, he was picked last. But at least he wasn’t on the same team as Skylar. He would just lurk in the back and stay as much out of the game as possible. Which all seemed like a good plan…until Skylar had the ball in her hands and he suddenly realized she was aiming right for him. The ball smacked into his shoulder hard enough to knock him off balance. He dragged his feet all the way to the wall, throwing annoyed glances over his shoulder every few steps.
It was clear she had done that on purpose and had thrown the ball much harder than was necessary. Now he was wishing more than just some bad acne on her. He spent the rest of that round hunched against the wall glaring at her, hoping that someone would hit her right in the stupid nose.
The next round started, and this time Raymond’s head was in the game. There was no hiding in the back; he was going to be right in the thick of battle! He had his sights set on his enemy and grabbed frantically at every ball to come even remotely his way. Finally, he got his big chance as the ball bounced off of a girl next to him and landed right in his outstretched hands.
“It’s on!” he whispered as he locked eyes with Skylar.
He pulled his arm back and then launched the ball as hard as he could, smiling gleefully as he did so. It was time for payback. But just at that second, some idiot stepped right in front of him, and the ball bounced off his head and slammed back into Raymond’s face.
The kid whirled around, “Watch it dumbass! I’m on your team!” Raymond just scowled and rubbed his poor, abused nose. He was definitely seeing red now, and it wasn’t just the blood coming from his face. He gave the ball a glare as someone else scooped it up. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” he muttered.
Raymond knew he shouldn’t look at Skylar, but he couldn’t help it. Of course, just as he expected, she was standing there, arms crossed with a horribly smug expression. “Nice shot,” she mouthed and then her smirk widened. Raymond’s hands clenched into fists. He needed another ball. Now. He ran frantically back and forth every time the ball came close to him, colliding with teammate after teammate. Everyone was yelling at him, but he didn’t really care…he needed that ball! Finally, he caught one on a flying dive, and he staggered to his feet, clutching it to his chest and looking around wildly for Skylar.
And there. She. Was.
“Say hello to my LITTLE FRIEND!” he screamed and flung the ball as hard as he could.
This time, it found its mark, and Skylar cried out as it hit her directly in the stomach; she stumbled backwards before toppling over.
The teacher blew the whistle and yelled something, but neither one was listening. Skylar’s expression went from shocked to furious as she jumped up and launched the ball right back. Raymond ducked, and seized two newly abandoned balls and hurled them both at the same time. Neither of them hit her, and now she was gathering her own arsenal.
The PE coach was still frantically blowing his whistle and the rest of their classmates were watching in astonishment and growing excitement.
Raymond was just about to pelt Skylar with another ball when the one she had just thrown smashed into his face with such force that he felt his body flying backwards. He collided painfully with the wall and collapsed in a heap, his glasses somewhere several feet away. Everything was a little bit hazy, but he kind of felt like he might have lost that round. Someone pulled him to his feet and then he was being led down the hall.
Oh God, not Time Out again, he thought vaguely.
But then he saw the sign on the door and cringed. “I’m fine!” he tried to tell whoever was pulling him along, but they didn’t seem to believe him. “No, really…I don’t need to see the nurse…”
When he came to again, the school nurse was hovering above him and he felt something tightening on his right arm. He blinked a couple of times to bring everything into focus. Oh well, let her fuss over him for the moment. He knew he would be fine, so it wasn’t like he had to worry…
But then he noticed her face went from vaguely bored, to puzzled, to…why was she suddenly looking at him like that? Maybe it was because he had once called her a looney, old cat lady and she had recognized him. Maybe it was because he had vomited all over the front of her before passing out.
Or maybe it was because he was a vampire and didn’t have a freaking pulse.
RevampManor 